Introduction

[0:24] Hello, everyone. I'm Jonathan. I'm Crystal. And this is Haunt Weekly, a weekly podcast for the haunted attraction, haunted entertainment industry.
Whether you're an actor, owner, or just plain aficionado, we aim to be a podcast for you. And this week, we come to you with something a little different.
An idea, we're going to get into where it came from. I got them somewhere else, admittedly, but we've definitely been talking about them and wanted to do.

Reading Meme Haunt Reviews

[0:47] We're going to be reading meme haunt reviews.
Now, not our own. We'll get into that that in just a second, but yes, indeed, we are going to be reading some one-star haunted attraction reviews, so we'll be making fun of some customers, making fun of some haunts, but also talking about the issues that can lead to these, too.
So it's going to be a little bit of humor, a little bit of serious, a little bit of everything.
Yeah. Some chocolate and some peanut butter in this one. It's going to be fun.
But on that note, if that doesn't sound like what you want right now, I do understand. We all have a lot of meanness in our life already.
Do feel free to check out any other episode. We have more at HauntWeekly.com, HauntWeekly on Twitter, HauntWeekly on Facebook. Facebook, youtube.com slash hauntweekly, and wherever you get your podcasts from.

Haunt Work Report and Recent Orders

[1:27] All right, let's see. Stepping right in. Work we did for our haunt this week was none, unfortunately.
We had some ideas of stuff we could do, but ended up not doing it.
Just sheer got put aside.
The other problem is we ordered a lot of stuff, and it just arrived as in today.
We're recording Monday as this is going live pretty much.
Yeah. And some of the stuff arrived today.
So that happened too. So, yeah, not much to report there.
We should have more for next week, though. I think it's going to be a very interesting weekend for us. Yeah.

Question of the Week Responses from Transworld

[2:03] On that note, the other thing we do every week is we ask a question.
Last week we asked everyone who was either going to Transworld or following it online, wherever they are, what they thought the big thing from Transworld was. And, wow, we did get some answers.
Yes, we did. Johnny Bronto-Lacombe said, The grub from Shattered FX.
No, our mask, the high-end Bernie mask we have is from Shattered FX.
Yeah. We can testify to the quality of work they do.
I had not seen the grub until I actually followed up on this post.
So that was interesting.
Chris Gay, basically, from what they saw online, the little spider creations booth.
Hmm. Interesting. Interesting. And that's one of the things I did notice is there were a lot of new, to me, haunt vendors.
Yeah, and smaller ones, too. And smaller ones, too. So getting a lot of serious reps. So that was interesting and good.

Highlights from Transworld Responses

[2:57] Seems like, you know, someone mentioned recently that they had seen that trending.
Yeah, we'd like to see that trend and see it continue.
Yeah, it does. Doesn't it? Nah. But that couldn't be. That's impossible.
Christian Ristow said, the cyber horror by Ryan...

[3:12] Yeah, I had to stop a second, too. And the what effects booth.
The WOT effects booth. I have no idea how to actually say that.
I don't know. I'd say what the fuck. What the fuck booth. Yeah. The what the fuck booth.
That's them. No, it's WOT effects.
And also, Maximum is Christian Bryan. The furnace flame effect at Froggy's Fog.
I actually clicked on the video healing, too.
Yes. And a few others to see it.
This was a holy shit. That's a really good moment.
Yeah. That effect is good. I don't know how many haunts are going to find use for it, but I know a lot of the business they do is with, like, theme park rides and so forth.
That is a very impressive effect. And without actual fire.
It's probably the most realistic fucking fake fire I've ever seen. Yeah.

[4:01] All right. Craig Watt said the original six. Okay.
Kevin Hopkins. Casket Creations. I had heard a fair amount about Casket Creations from the Grapevine, too.
It's a collab between Hallucination Creations and Closed Casket to create customizable props.
And basically, it's something I think you actually suggested at one point, where you can kind of customize the look with the function you want it to have and pair it together. See, it was very interesting stuff.
Yes, and finally for this week, Elysium Black Moth.
Yeah, so a lot of stuff, and not the usual suspects. I mean, yes, Froggy's Fog got a mention, but that Furnace Flame effect really does deserve the mention.
Yeah. That was truly mind-blowing.

[4:44] And Shatter Effect's got a mention on this list, too, obviously.
But, yeah, this was a lot of new-to-me people.

[4:52] Like, okay, I am familiar with Hallucination Creations and Close Casket.
I've heard the names, at least.
But, yeah, their new collab project is really interesting. Yeah.
That's really interesting stuff.

Asking About Favorite Mean Review

[5:03] All right. Well, this week's question of the week, tagging in with the theme we're talking about, is what is your favorite mean review?
We're actually going to cover ours at the end. Yeah. Because, A, we only have one because that's one of the frustrations with doing this episode.
We only have one. And they clearly have never been here.
Yeah. It would be hilarious if it weren't so infuriating.
Yeah so anyways but yeah speaking of all that i recently went down a rabbit hole i got started with a linus tech tips video where they were doing a bunch of their host read mean tweets about themselves and i was like we should do that we should find the mean tweets and the reviews and we should cover them about ourselves but so we were originally just going to cover our mean reviews.
Yeah. That was the original plan.

[5:54] But we had a problem. We don't have a lot of reviews. We're a home haunt, and people don't review home haunts very often. Right.
And so, therefore, we don't have enough reviews to really do this, especially enough mean ones, or enough one-star ones.
So, yeah. We didn't really have a way to do that ourselves.
So you will hear the one, though. Yeah, we will hear the one at the very end. Period.
Yeah. We're putting that at the end as well to make sure you stick with us.
Yeah. So here's the thing.

Initial Plan for Mean Review Coverage

[6:23] And I want to be 100% clear before we jump in on this.
We are not picking on any of the haunts. No. In this list.

[6:32] I'm the one who did the research. I will take the heat for this.
But I deliberately chose haunts that either I personally know are very good, as in I've been to them and I will testify, and I will put my hand on whatever book and tell you.
Or from people I trust know that they are very good. They are top-tier names in the industry, all.
Everybody knows these haunts. If I said the names, everyone would know them, other than the last one, us, obviously.
Yeah. Everyone would know them across the board, no questions, and everyone would have respect for them.
And in fact, I pulled all these from Google.

[7:10] Nearly all of them had 4.3 as the average review, which is amazing on Google.
Especially whenever you get a lot. Yeah, like hundreds and hundreds.
We have a 4.5, but it's not nearly impressive. We have only a couple dozen.
We don't have hundreds or thousands like a lot of these haunts do.

Setting the Ground Rules for Reading Reviews

[7:27] So it's we have the bigger score but it's cheat we're cheating we're cheating yeah i wouldn't buy us on amazon if i compared us to somebody with no i would get the 4.3 with the 5 000 reviews exactly 4.5 with 12 reviews or whatever yeah absolutely agree that 100 the lowest of score we have is a 4.0 which once again with hundreds of thousands reviews is so fucking amazing, so all these haunts are great we are not going to say the haunt names we are going to leave them out in fact we've tried to carefully redact any information that could clue you in um we are going to group them together by haunt but we may mention the breaks but we will not mention their names now since we're going to be reading these reviews obviously if you want to be a dick.

[8:11] You can go and Google them and figure it out. Yeah. But that is a dick thing to do. Yeah. And that is on you.
Yep. I'm not encouraging that behavior because you'll see in a minute what this is really about.
The main point of all this is even the best haunts get bad reviews.
Right. And the other thing I noticed when reading through them is that you should be reading your reviews. Oh, yeah.
Because a lot of these, the same issue came up for multiple people.
And on a lot of these, one of the things that was genuinely a frustration for me going through and collecting them was the haunt. No one from the haunt was responding. Yeah.
Only a few of these actually had regular responses.
Yeah. So that was frustrating, too.

[8:55] Oh, and also the other thing is I tried to pull from the last season, and if not the last season, the year before, I tried to not get the COVID years.
Yeah. Basically, because there's a lot of bullshit there that ain't fun.
Yeah, I think we have one COVID year in there. Yeah, we do. Some people do mention COVID.
Anyways, but yeah, we try to pull from recent reviews.
Yeah. On that note, are we ready to jump in with haunt number, unnamed haunt number one? Yes.
Let's jump in. All right.
Do not purchase tickets to. Redacted. Yes.

[9:29] Information redacted. I purchased $200 worth of tickets in October, 2023.
They charged my account. out then again on january 2nd 2024 fighting the charges now they will wait 60 days to retrieve more money from you beware and the beware obviously is all caps with an exclamation point um, Yeah. Leading off with this one, because I actually skipped over a lot of reviews for this haunt that mentioned this exact problem.
Yeah. Because this was one of the times they did respond. Mm-hmm.
What happened is, whoever their credit card processor was, they had an issue where transactions were put into pending, but never finished.
Right. Until like some time, crazy amount of time later.
People weren't necessarily charged wrong, but they were charged at wildly wrong times.
Yeah, after you're not thinking about haunted houses anymore.
You think you've already paid in October, and this person apparently didn't get charged until January. And so while I understand why this review didn't mention the haunted experience at all, it also didn't mention the haunted experience at all. Yeah, I know.
So, yeah, moving on to the next one from the next review.
Don't go alone. Pretty boring. Period. Period.

[10:46] You'll be sandwiched between two large groups the entire way, and the actors will entirely ignore you in favor of them.
Got almost no interaction except for one funny guy who must have seen my expression, and after getting a nice scream from a couple ahead of me, turned to me and said, maybe come back on a weeknight next year.
Not trying to get him in trouble. He was the best part.
I skipped the second to Trahawnet House and went home.
Yeah. You know, So, one of the things that's going to come up a lot, I think, as we talk about these, or at least briefly discuss them, is sometimes customers got to take partial ownership for the stuff they did here.
Yeah. Showing up alone at a haunted house, if you want to hang out with a group of friends.
You know what I mean? Well, I think that they thought that they'd be able to get to go through alone, or at least with a very small group instead of being sandwiched between large groups.

[11:46] That's a frustration. Also, I would be looking into this actor breaking character, even though this person said it was the best part of the haunt. Yeah.
I get the feeling from this review that this person was extremely frustrated by the group they were in, and I have been there, believe me.
Yes. I have been put up with, we usually like to go with strangers.
Yeah. Because we get to see how people who are more normal react to the haunted house and not us.
But I've definitely been in situations where the randos we got paired with really, really hurt the experience.
I don't think you can really, you know, put the kibosh on the haunted house for that.
Because every haunted house is going to have shit customers.
But yeah, I don't know. This is a pretty understandable view overall, but still.
Okay. Next up. All right. Was not scary at all.
The actors were lazy. It wasn't dark enough. And it just wasn't it.
Whatever it is in this context, I have no idea.
We got the speed pass, and it wasn't worth it.
There's so much I wasn't satisfied about, but I don't feel like wasting my time.

[12:56] And yet clearly they felt like wasting some of their time because they went to leave that yeah i mean i they're like this review seems like it's going to actually say something that might be useful yeah like to prevent future ones and then they just say nothing yeah it's like geez thanks great job woohoo all right, If you're going here to be scared, why the fuck else would you go? Anyway, do not come.
It's not scary at all. By the way, it was all one sentence.
But their gift shop is nice. It's a cool environment to be in.
But what you're seeking for, you will not get.
I just realized how hard these are to read out loud with the poor grammar.
Yeah, because I noticed that you left all the grammar mistakes in.
Well, I wanted to get the authentic review experience. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was the right thing to do, but Jesus Christ, that's rough.
Rolls off the mouth like a socket set. Christ.

[14:00] Yeah, I mean, once again, if you're, okay, so they didn't find it scary.
No two people are going to find a haunt the same amount of scary.
Right. What's scary to one person is not scary to another.
Everyone comes to this with different phobias, different buttons, whatever.
And so she didn't find it scary. Fine, but it sounds like, or he or she actually don't remember anything about this room, because I have all the information removed.
But this person did not find it scary. Fine. It sounds like they were at very least entertained. They mentioned it was a good gift shop, a cool environment.
Yeah. I don't know. That sounds like a fucking decent evening to me.
That doesn't sound like it should be a one-star review. It sounds like it should be a three-star, maybe.
Yeah. Or a four-star, or a low-four, or a high-two. Something in the middle-ish, you know?
But not a one. Not a one. That just seems like a dick move if you actually enjoyed it. Exactly. At all. Exactly. All right.
This was one of the worst haunted houses i have ever visited the hype is so big and it just doesn't live up we paid for the fast pass which was worth it but there were way too many people in the haunt at the same time.

[15:07] In it, we were literally just walking in a single file line between other groups.
The actors were not very enthusiastic.
We saw someone changing into their costume. One of the actors walked past us with their cell phone out carrying a thermos.
I was really sad when I was walking through because it's information redacted.
And you expect it to be amazing.
And I was looking forward to it so much. so when it turned out to be so underwhelming i was very very sad if you were a haunted house enthusiast i do not recommend randomly capitalized in that i didn't do that i know i don't i don't know i'm not this person um even though their props and costume set pieces and makeup were excellent so and this one's interesting to pick apart because they obviously were not Now, I've said a conga line issue, which means they obviously went on a very busy night. Yeah.

[16:03] You know, to customers that do not enjoy or really hate that experience, do what we do. Because we're not fond of that either.
Nope. But we prioritize going on Thursday and Sunday nights to haunted houses or early in the season.
Yeah. And it's, you know, if you're a big enthusiast of haunted houses.
You would know this. You would know this. And then do it instinctively.
Yes. you would know, go on a weeknight.
Look to see if they're open on Sunday.
Because that's another less busy night. Look to see if they have a night they open up earlier than other nights. That's often times a great time.
We've pulled that game a few times. Go early in the season.
These things are easy.
Yeah, these are fairly simple things. But this person admits that the props, costumes, set pieces, and makeup were excellent.
Just in that one lesson, and bam, blows through all that. All that stuff is great.
One stars it because of the conga line and the fact they... Now, the issue of actors being out of pocket and not having actor ones.
This sounds like it could be a haunt design problem where you don't have a way to get actors in and out of slots very quickly.
And having done backstage tours of haunts, I've seen some very creative solutions to this problem.
I mean, like I said, not the haunt here.
Rise, locally, literally has a whole system above the haunt.
Yeah. They just drop actors into it. Exactly. Like parachute them in.

[17:33] And Hell's Gate, as we know, also not the haunt in the review, has that big spine that they can slide actors into in any scene.
Exactly. So we've seen different solutions to this problem, and that sounds like they might need one of those.
But other than that, it sounds like this person actually enjoyed nearly everything about the haunt and was just frustrated by it being crowded it and a few actors being out of pocket. Yeah, and honestly...

[17:58] I get frustrated with actors out of pocket, too, whenever I see them going through.
Because we are quiet and slow moving, so our pace is not necessarily the one that's expected.
Yeah. If you're timing, you're, you know, scarce by sounds and stuff. Exactly.
And, I mean, I don't know. I have very little way to judge if the actors were basically being saying that they were, like, lazy and not performing.
I would also ask, when in the night did you go?
Yeah. Because if you were like one of the last groups for closing.
Especially later in season. Or if they're in Hell Week and it's like 10.30 p.m.
And they're shutting down hard at midnight at 11.
Yeah, you know, whatever, right?
Anyways, moving on.
Last one for this haunt. Literally one of the worst experiences I've had at a haunted house.
Took my teenager there. Oh, there's our problem.

Unnamed Haunt #1 Review Analysis

[18:56] It's part of it. And expected to have an okay time.
An okay time. Yeah.

[19:04] Not a big fan of haunted houses, but figured I'd just go to check it out.
I wish I hadn't. One of the employees continued to follow me and my daughter through the experience.
One of the actors reached out and touched my daughter, even though they slated they had a no-touch policy. That is a serious issue there. Yeah.

[19:20] After that, we were pretty much over the whole ordeal, so we decided to ask one of the employees for the exit.
Instead of helping us politely, they took a picture of us and simply walked away.
That dumbfounded and, at this point, extremely frustrated, we kept going through the haunted house, only to be met by a literal rat scurrying past us.
Disgusted, confused, and exhausted, we finally found our way out of the nearest exit. Overall, one of the worst places I've been.
I certainly won't be returning. hurting yeah now this one actually has some issues needs to address yeah and i'm not sure why they wouldn't have um but yeah if you're a no touch and you touch someone especially a teenager yes they have a right to complain like anytime you touch somebody and you say you're not going to touch them people have the right to accidental bumping will happen in no touch haunts that's just Just the nature of being in crowded, dark places.
Yeah. But a deliberate touch, yeah, that's a problem.
Yeah. As soon as someone says they want out, that they're done, get them out.
Don't leave them in there. They're just going to get more mad and more pissed off and start writing this review in their head on the way out.
I seriously, if I were running this home, once again, well-reviewed haunt, top-tier haunt in the country.

[20:40] Reviews of it are overall amazing.
Amazing. We had to sort by lowest in order to find these. Yeah. Um, But, yeah, if I were this haunt, I would be figuring out what's going on.
The rat, I don't give a shit about. I live in New Orleans. Yeah.

[20:56] Haunts are typically in warehouse buildings. Yeah. A rat may wander in.
Yeah. That's life. I'm sorry.
In a haunt, I would be like, ooh, I wonder if it got out of the cage.
Maybe they're missing a rat.
Just like the snakes. Exactly. So, yeah. But that's it for Unnamed Haunt number one.

Transition to Unnamed Haunt #2 Reviews

[21:18] All right. Now we're on to Unnamed Haunt number two.
Oh, I do this one, huh? Or do you do this one? I think I do.
Go for it. Do it. Okay. Just do it.
Honestly, really not worth it. Long, long lines, and we were waiting for about four hours, and then when we got in, it only took about 30 to 40 minutes.
Plus, they don't have space out the group that much.
The group behind us had a girl they kept grabbing on to us to hide and She left marks on us and then they rushed us into the group in front of us And then the actors just looked tired and like they needed a break Well, I'm gonna say this if they're running on enough of a line to have a four-hour cue They probably were tired and needed a break.
Yeah, I'm gonna say that's probably just an accurate fucking statement.
They're human beings. God damn it exactly.

[22:11] You know, whenever I see the complaints about long queue lines come up a lot, multiple haunts and this, I always, when I read those reviews, I kind of want to split the blame a little bit.
Because on one hand, I'm willing to bet this person showed up on one of the busiest days of the year and was shocked to learn that there was a long line.
Yeah. But the other side of the coin is it's going to be very hard using traditional haunt queuing to keep people engaged and entertained for four fucking hours.
Yeah, exactly. Like in general, like 15 minute wait, I don't even notice.

[22:45] 30 minute wait, I start to notice. An hour wait, now you're digging a hole you got to get out of.
Anything after that, it's just, you're just watching that mental review score go down.
So four hours is an incredibly long amount of time. I get that.
And we as an industry do need to do better. We've seen better initiatives here, like Camp Blood.
We talked about them and their system. um and um what was that other one atlanta that did it uh we've oh i remember i remember which one you're talking about i don't remember the name yeah i can look it up in our notes yeah but, we've done multiple haunts where basically you're all let into a like a fair where you can buy things get food wander around play carnival games do stuff like that and then when you're You're close to time to go when they'll call you for a short to call gate time.
Yeah. And one did that as a PA system over the crowd and one did it as a cell phone text.
Yeah. And either are fine. I mean, I can see how these systems are more complicated and break down, but they do the amazing thing like what Disney largely was trying to do for a time of letting you do other things while waiting, especially letting you spend money while you're waiting.

[24:04] So yeah like I said I kind of like split this here it seems like the real frustration was A the wait and that is a long wait I'm not gonna lie and also so, They, once again, this is a review and a bitching about the randos they got thrown inward. Yeah, it is.
We've had people run into and grab onto us, and it's not a fun or pleasant experience.
If you're already pissed off about waiting in line for so long, there's just no way for the home to recover from that.
And that experience that this person described where they had someone digging nails into them, I've had that. I had that at a house locally that doesn't operate anymore.
But someone got scared, got behind me, and I think they wanted to bear hug me, but decided that might be too intimate.
So instead just sunk their claws into me the whole way, like right into my ribs while I'm trying to breathe.
Yeah, but I mean, for a 30 to 40 minute walkthrough, I can count probably on my hands the number of times we've seen a haunt that has that long of a walkthrough.
I'm actually pretty impressed. Yeah, 30 foot only took 30 to 40 minutes.
That only does not belong there. No, exactly.
That is a very good time to walk through. Yeah.
Yeah, and you're absolutely right. I think, like, if we look at the haunts we went through last season, it's less than one hand's worth, you're right.
Mm-hmm. Okay, next review.

[25:30] The props and layout was really cool. I give them that.
But I paid almost $200 for VIP and ended up in line while going through, so didn't get the jump scares, and jump scares are...
Didn't get the jump scares or, I guess that's supposed to be an or, or scared at all.
Was really disappointed and thought her was the best haunt and blah, blah, blah.
Was very disappointed. Disappointed.

Review of Unnamed Haunt #2 Experience

[26:02] Exactly. Drove three hours to get scared. Will not recommend.
To not get scared. To not get scared. Yeah. Will not recommend.
Now, I remember which haunt this is now, unfortunately. unfortunately um but where the fuck did you drive three hours from.

[26:23] Because it wasn't any of the towns like really close to it i can tell you that much no anyway um i get that okay i i i get and being familiar with this haunt line i i feel bad because this was the one you had me correct the redaction on because i did not do a very good job on it um so unfortunately it's still somewhat fresh in my mind but yeah this was but yeah i i don't know what to tell you no with this one it's like you made the choice to drive that far for haunted attraction we do it all the time we're mad lads yeah we don't encourage anyone to be like us, We don't want imitators, man. No.
We don't think you should do that. We're nuts. We are certifiably insane.
Please do not do what we do. Get another hobby. Please.
You will be happier in the long run. I think you're talking to the wrong people.
I know I'm talking to the wrong goddamn people. All of our listeners went...

[27:33] But yeah, no. I mean, you made the choice. and while I definitely understand the frustration in deciding it wasn't worth it you also are blaming the haunt for decisions you made yeah, And I've said before in haunt reviews that this haunt is probably worth it if you're in town or somewhere close by.
But I wouldn't say it's worth it if you're coming from further away.
I've said that in reviews. That's a fair thing to say.
But yeah, one of the reasons you're one starring is because you chose to drive three hours.
That just seems like horseshit to me. Yeah.

The Ultimate Railroad Experience

[28:10] All right. The ultimate railroad experience.
Experience don't waste the time unless you have an entire evening and money to waste me and four friends showed up almost an hour early hour before opening and the line was already a hundred people long not counting the vip line which is separate we upgraded our tickets to vip so we wouldn't have to wait hours in the regular line the vip line was thankfully short but they don't separate groups of people then sent through.
They grouped us with six other people, then sent everyone through in what was essentially a continuous line.
The front of our dozen person group was directly behind the people that went in front of us.
And there was another group immediately behind us. We were literally touching.
It's hard to be scared or even appreciate the production value when it's just one One solid line of people start to finish being pushed through the haunted house.
Between the five of us, we paid $300 to be disappointed and sweaty.
Absolutely not worth the time or money. Stick to smaller attractions with smaller groups.

Stick to Smaller Attractions

[29:26] Or try other things in the area, basically. Yeah. Which I had to quickly redact.

[29:32] Yeah you know I'm going to guess because once again I do remember this is the one I do remember other than us because of my mistake earlier that they went on one of the busiest nights yeah.

[29:48] This particular haunt. I think that's just going to be a theme of most of the ones who are complaining about. The lines in the conga lining.

Busy Nights and Gripes

[29:56] Now, if we're complaining, that's different. Because we know all the tips and tricks that we shouldn't be there at a busy time. Or what would normally be a busy time.
Like one of the gripes we had about New Orleans Nightmare. Not the haunt here. No.
No. But one of the gripes we had about New Orleans Nightmare was that even though we did show up at an odd time. We showed up on a random Thursday, and we showed up early in the night, or fairly early in the night, and whatever.
And the line was not long, in terms of the number of people.
We were still in that line for a very long amount of time.
Now, granted, we were rewarded with that by great group separation.
We didn't see another motherfucker or not. Yeah, and that is a way to counter some of that.
But if you have people waiting and their conga line through like it was when it was house of shock then you've got an issue yeah but the thing is some of these haunts do get so popular that that happens yeah and by the way i don't know which what any of the haunts are what we're talking about yeah i read the notes i didn't read the the review i didn't look up the reviews No.
Yeah, I know the haunts I chose, but I completely forgot the order.

[31:12] Gotcha. I remember which haunts I picked, but I have no idea the order I put them in. So, I'm good like that.

The Place Was Excellent

[31:21] All right. Next one up.

[31:24] The place was excellent, says the one-star review. Yeah.
That's your lead-in to the one-star review. The place was excellent.
Excellent um the actors did a great job once again one star review but it is all for naught if they stack the groups less than 30 seconds apart we could not enjoy the thrills because the other groups sprang them too close to our group time and time again we slowed down to a halt and was able to enjoy a little of the thrills but the other groups slowed down even more it was so frustrating also the vip line was a lot slower than normal i'm not used to the vip line being slow at all. If you pay extra, it's not to wait.
Then again, maybe the other line was so long they had to go fast to get the entire crowd through the experience.
We did not get there until 9.30. Oh. Mm-hmm.
So maybe that is an issue. An earlier arrival might have solved the issue.
No fucking shit. Mm-hmm.

[32:25] Yeah. Arriving earlier, arriving on off days. We've said it before.

Haunt Separation and Group Size

[32:30] Yeah. And here's the thing, like compared to the review we just did, and this is all the same place. Yeah.
This one does, this one sounds like, okay, yeah, you had some frustrating randos in front of you that were not letting you get the separation you wanted.
I get that. That's frustrating.
But the fact is you had separation. It's just, you might've had that bad of a group in front of you.
Yeah. It might have been nothing the haunt could have done.
Well, and I do like that they took some of the blame on themselves because they realized that maybe they should have gotten there earlier.
Yeah, they were at least cognizant that they made some decisions here that may have had an impact.
And even though it's still a one-star review, and of course that hurts the average and has the impact and all that, you're right, the review at least tries to take some.
Anyways, moving on. All right, we waited four hours in line, and it didn't even make halfway to the entrance.

[33:26] Tens, if not hundreds of people cut line, which added numerous minutes and probably hours to the already slow-moving line.
After four hours of waiting, we had to leave due to a flight back to Tennessee.
We were given no refund and angry responses from the company who hosts this.
I wish we could give this place zero stars.
Ours if you're ever in the region the region do yourself a favor and skip this yeah i didn't think that would be um indicative but i just realized it might be yeah redacted where you are treated better and the lines are much more professionally managed which i want to say is hilarious because the haunt name i redacted there is actually the name of a haunt that's in one of the other five One of the other four we're looking at.
So, the redacted Haunt that they said is so much better than this one also has a shit ton of mean reviews that we're talking about. Yeah.

[34:32] My question here is, why would you go to an event without a dedicated end time when you have a hard flight and have it hard out? Yeah.
That's such a weird thing. It is. Because here's the thing. Let's say it hadn't been a huge line, a huge problem.
I have never experienced the issues they're describing in this haunt.
But let's say that they got into the haunt. Everything was great.
And they just loved it so much. they stayed for four hours.
They're still not getting the full experience. No. You know what I mean? Anyways, next haunt.
We've got to move on because I'm realizing we might go long.
Yeah, or we may have to come back and do more. Yeah. Do more later.

Unfair Rain Cancellation Policy

[35:15] Okay. We have visited once before and can say that from what we saw that the attraction itself is amazing.
Repeat, this is a one star review.
What is not is their highly unfair rain cancellation policy.
We drove four hours, rented hotel rooms, only to find that they canceled the event for what seems like very little rain.
After that, the only options they provide is to reschedule your visit. There is no refund.
This seems very unfair and makes it highly difficult for people who live far away to schedule visits to this haunted attraction.
I would strongly advise anyone who visits do not pay for your tickets in advance.

[35:56] Okay. And I'm just going to say your last line of the review just solved your problem as much as possible yeah because here's the thing um.

[36:08] They can only control so much about the cancellation policy.
Let's say that they had this cancellation policy where immediately everyone got refunded.
Yeah. You bought tickets. You were coming tonight. You have, and since you were scheduled to come, you get an immediate refund.
You can rebook or you get a coupon to rebook, right?
Yeah. The only option they currently provide is a rescheduling.
But even if it was a perfect policy, you know what I'm saying, that still leaves you on the hook for your travel, your hotel, everything else.

[36:37] They can't help that. No. And that is unfortunate.
I mean, because you're right, that does discourage. And events that can get rained out, both fully outdoor events or events with outdoor components, they can get rained out.
And there are a lot of indoor haunts, including a couple locally, they can get rained out because they have significant outdoor elements.
Nuts um this um yeah i the haunt is doing what they can here they might be able to argue that they should offer refunds for any since they have scheduled tickets they seem to have scheduled ticketing but yeah it feels like they're being blamed more for the hotel and all that stuff Yeah, and I think that, you know, I would also ask, does the haunt send out like a text message or something that people are going to be alerted as soon as it's decided that they can't open that day? Yeah.
Because if that's the case, well then, that's kind of on you.

Treating Customers Fairly

[37:38] Yeah, I would encourage any haunt that can be canceled due to rain to take every step they can to treat customers impacted by that cancellation fairly and with very, very gentle glow touch.

[37:51] But beyond that, there's nothing that I can do and nothing that they can do. No.
All right. The worst one I've been to all season.
Barely any actors. Far too bright and easy to see everything coming. common.
Definitely designed for kids. They push large groups through, so it's hard to.

[38:12] It's far too easy to see everything coming. The stores and food vendors are outrageously prices.
The food is horrible. Save your money and go to McDonald's. It would taste better.
Actually, don't go to McDonald's. Everyone's bitching about McDonald's prices now.

Disappointed and Sweaty

[38:29] Yeah. I mean, you know, I don't really know what to add to this one.
Once again, though, I bet they went on a busy night. Large groups become a necessity.
When you have a large crowd of people, you have to improve, you have to increase throughput. One of the main ways, one of the ways haunts can control throughput is group size.
That's all I can say.

[38:55] So, next up, next review. The worst haunted house experience ever.
I have no idea how this place has so many good reviews. After COVID, this spot has just gone downhill.
They barely have any scare actors working. Went through the haunted houses.
And each house there were about three workers max.
Some of the houses only had one. I highly doubt that.
The whole experience was was, was, was so boring. I am truly disappointed. Disappointed!
Also on top of that, the staff and security is so rude and disrespectful they will not answer any questions.
Avoid this place. Not worth the drive or the price.

[39:39] So this is the second one where they've mentioned a lack of actors being at this one.
Once again, I don't remember which haunt this is. Yeah. I genuinely don't.
I managed to forget all of them but one that I fucked up.
So I don't know which haunt I pulled these from.
This is what you drink. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Kidding um but yeah i so i i'm a hundred percent sure knowing the types of haunts i found this is a gross exaggeration yeah um and i just feel like this is unfair like so yeah i don't really know what to think of it but yeah once again this haunt i can tell you has a 4.3 review on google on on average.
Clearly, this person is in a minority.

Complete Disaster Experience

[40:28] Last one for this haunt. Yes, last one for this haunt. The entire experience was a complete disaster.
We got there on time. 8 p.m. We stood in long line for three hours.
It was a long cold wait. The hayride was too crowded.
Uncomfortably and chilly, you could sit anywhere you want. I had to sit down on the ground. It was so hard.
It was painful to stand up. the lazy carnies tried to avoid interaction that alone was not worth the ticket price they emphasized the importance of no touching but we were uh sprayed by water from a glass door.

[41:09] I know i have no idea how but what the fuck happened they're saying happened i've been trying to figure that one out ever since i found it and and that's not touching that's not no I know we were carefully targeted we refused to be silenced we are ready to take action.

[41:32] Yeah, I, like, this is a confusing, like, I don't know.
Okay, okay, we're going to ignore how they were sprayed by water.
But it sounds like they were lightly sprayed by water. Yeah.
I'm going to assume it wasn't like a bucket of water dumped on them or something.
They used the word sprayed.
And I'm sure they would have used the word drowned or something.
Yeah. More than a few dribbles. Yeah. Um, that's not touching.
No, it's not. not touching someone with a feather duster is not touching either using hanging things from the ceiling like fishing line or guts or whatever it's not touching no these are ways you incorporate a touch effect without touching yes that's the whole fucking point of this yeah it's why you do I knew that. Mm-hmm.
God, you know, the word caring gets so overused.
Yeah, but I think it, I think that this person is definitely... Earning it.

[42:30] Yeah, I don't think that they knew what they were getting in for.
This has a real let-me-speak-to-your-manager vibe to it, and I hate it.
It does. All right, next haunt.
I think we can actually get, no, we can't. Go. Okay, next one. Shit.
Mm-hmm. I just lost my place. There you go. Okay, there we are.

Weak Scares and Bright Lights

[42:48] These scares are just not there.
They have a big building with very few workers that scare you.
Not only that, I believe I'd rather wait in line longer than to be grouped with a whole bunch of people walking through a haunted house, not being scared.

[43:02] You pay $35 plus fees and not be scared one time is disappointing.
The layout is cool, but was disappointing as far as being scared.

[43:14] That is so fucking hard to read. Yeah. Jesus, dude, I need to rest now. Mm-hmm.
All right. Yeah, I don't know what to say. Once again, what some person finds... Yeah.
Weak, weak, weak. Wouldn't scare my seven-year-old.
This place was very cool and had awesome props, but the actors belong in a backyard show, not one spook or scare.
Yeah, come to our backyard show and see what you get, babe. Yeah.
Actually, I don't know who this person is, but... Yeah.
Anyways. Definitely not worth the money. I scared three of the workers.
Don't waste your money unless you're easier to scare. Hey, don't scare the workers.
I mean, just don't do that. That's not why. I don't know if that was accidental either.
Yeah, they didn't mention that. Both of these are talking about how it's not scary and whatnot.
And it's like, once again, what is scary to one person?
I would ask, okay, if you weren't scared, were you entertained the whole way through? Because if you were entertained, there's still value in the experience.
You may not have gotten the experience you went in wanting, but you still got a good experience. Anyways, moving on.

[44:24] Oh, weak, weak, weak. No, that was the one I did. Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Horrible Clown Show

[44:28] Damn it. I really like that intro.
This place used to be the best years ago. We went last night, and it was so bad that I want to take them to small claims court.
We'll never go back again in my life. They don't actually say why it's bad.
That's the entire review.
Yep. I have nothing to go off of here. All right.
Next one. Yes. Staff was rude and not thrilled to actually scare people.
If you've been once back in the day, I wouldn't bother to go again because nothing's changed.
Okay, but it sounds like by the use of the term back in the day that it was scarier back in the day. Well, if you pair it with the one before it, it was supposed to be scarier back in the day, or two before.
But it's not now, but nothing's changed. I don't think grammar.
I'm very confused by the messaging here between these. Like you said, there's no consistency here. Okay.

[45:25] Unbelievably overrated. Picture your local apple orchard haunted house, then make it a half mile walk. Whoever says this place is actually scary and they do a great job is lying to you.
It's honestly a great place to bring your elementary school-aged child as they will think it's fun and a little spooky.
If you're looking for an actual haunted house, this is not it.
You know, once again, not every haunt needs to aim for the maximum scare factor. Yeah. Anyways.

Wear Your Mask

[45:53] All right. Last one for this one.
Wear your mask. This was my first haunted house and it was fun.
I guess I don't scare easily.
The amount of things that touched my face was alarming and I wanted to turn back and I should have, but I didn't. My entire family is now paying for that mistake.
If you're gonna go, have a blast, but be safe and mask up.
Now, the thing that gets me about this one, and they make it very clear that it's things that touch their face. Yes, and that they had fun.
And that they had fun. This is a one-star review. So this was not actors making deliberate contact or breathing on them or doing anything.
No. It was things touching their face. And yes, things can carry disease, I know.
That's one of the things we learned in COVID.

[46:41] But what? Just this wood?
All right. last uh no wait this isn't this we have we're in the next one now yeah okay yeah next one next haunt my family came here last night in hopes to get a good scare since it was supposed to be one of the scariest haunted houses in the u.s it was before the least scariest i've been to exclamation point.
Not only was it possibly, probably the worst I've ever been to and way overpriced, but you exit out and they had you go through a bunch of bubbles that just pissed everybody off because now you're all wet from the knees down going into straight cold.
Okay, that actually is bad.
I swear I would rather just went to a school haunted house in my area instead of driving over over an hour to this horrible clown show never again.
Okay, I'll give them a point for the wet from the knees down into the cold.
That would suck. Yeah. I'm going to give you that one.

[47:46] I don't want to say it. I don't remember which haunt this is.
But, yeah, being wet and then being cold would suck. Yeah. All right, next up.

Waste of Money and Time

[47:53] Waste of money and time.
Waited three hours in line, even getting there shortly after 630, to then wait in another line for another 30 to 45 minutes to make it in the house and still be calling lines.
The last room was loaded with bubbles.
Zero warnings anywhere that you're going to be wet.
We were all soaked from the waist down and then had to walk back to our car freezing.
Didn't waste any more time to wait for any souvenirs Souvenirs, because it was just rooms full of spirit Halloween decorations, lousy actors, just repeating lines.
We heard one actor just swap between two lines, and in the time it took us to walk through, heard the rotation three times, not very scary, super disappointed, and understand why they have no refund signs posted.
They go bankrupt giving money back.
Once again highly reviewed top tier hunt i don't remember which one but it's one of the but it's one you know yeah um garen fucking teed it yeah.

Unpacking Complaints

[49:10] Yeah. There's just a lot in there to unpack. There's a lot to unpack.
Once again, I want to give everyone that mentions to being wet and cold at the same time a pass because that is probably reasonable.
That's something the launch should have thought of, let's be honest.
I take that criticism on the chin if I were those guys. Yeah.

[49:31] But when did you go? Yeah. The waiting in line, significant amount of time. When did you go?
Did you pay for VIP? VIP, you know, what did you do to reduce your wait time is my next question.
Yeah, and obviously a lot of this is just an exaggeration.
Yeah, I'm positive that it was not full of spirit Halloween props.
I'm a thousand percent sure of that.
Yeah. Because I remember, like I said, I remember the pool I pulled from.
Yeah. Don't remember the order.
None of these are going to have spirit props on them. Nope. I can assure you of that much.

Crowded Groups and Missed Scares

[50:06] Why ask how many people are in a group when you force everyone to go all at once? That's a good point. That's actually a good point there.
I mean, I've got to give you that one.
It was crowded with everyone outside our group. We were unable to look or see props when we kept getting pushed, or they say rushed, but I'm guessing they meant pushed, by other, period.
It was not even scary for $35 a person, and we definitely not informed that there was a bypass for the bubbles. If I could give zero stars, I would.
Man, the bubbles really did piss a lot of people off. They did.
And honestly, I'm on their side.
Yeah. And apparently this person found out there was a bypass afterwards.
Well, like we did about the blackout maze that you and Holly went to and then went.
Yeah, exactly. Moving on. All right. Makes sense that they won't do refunds.
You spend $35 to go and get there and see three-hour-long line. Fine.
Try calling to see how long the line was or to maybe upgrade my ticket to FastPass, but the robot wouldn't even let me talk to anybody.
Don't waste your money on a haunted house that copied the Freddy Krueger story.

[51:15] I love that there's a plagiarism accusation and they're just to fuck with me.
That was purely to fuck with me. This review would not exist if it were not, hey, let's fuck with that Jonathan guy.
I know, I just see them on the keyboard. Yeah, I'll make it, I'm gonna fuck with this one.
Yes, I'm sure it's all about you. Damn right, I am the main character.
Well, you are one of the four horsemen. Yes, we discussed this.
Oh my God, no, I just, okay, Okay, obviously not just ripping off the Freddy Krueger story.
Haunted houses don't offer refunds as standard practice because it is not practical to.

[51:55] Because basically any refund system is heavily prone to abuse.
We have seen it before. We've seen it again.
Having no refunds as the default policy is the smart way to go.
Anyways, and the last one from this one, then we'll just skip.
The last one I had queued because we're running short on time.
Yeah, we may just pick one or two from it. Okay, we'll do that. Okay, we...

Rude Employees and Disrespectful

[52:21] We waited in line for three hours to get inside and wait for 30 more minutes inside of the house, and there was a literal line going through there, too.
The last room you get soaked in the waste down because of a phone room.
I would give it zero stars if I could. Horrible, horrible, horrible.
I will never return waste of $70. You know, I think this haunt needs to pay attention to the complaints about the bubbles.
The bubbles and the three-hour waits. Figure out your queuing.
Almost everybody said a three-hour wait. All right. Next one.

[52:56] If it wasn't so packed and the line wasn't so long, I would have liked it.
But I waited two hours in line and a few for a few animatronic jumps air airs in in really cramped space with 30 other people also I spent 40 bucks to wait on a two-hour line that had to wait and another line midway in the attraction I honestly could have gotten this experience from another haunted house for cheaper we know once again we've covered it complaints about the line complains about being crowded in with people um really disappointing experience i was trying to hype myself up so i could get scared but i only got spooked a few times what really root rude need or night i mean it's obviously ruined but the experience was that when you went there were clumps of groups so if you were behind someone the actors would scare them first first, and then you would already know what's coming.
The props and the gift shop are really nice, but the overall experience wasn't worth it.
Both of these, A, really are not that down on the haunt itself.

[54:07] You know what I mean? They're complaining about being crowded.
They're complaining about missing scares because of crowds. And they're complaining about wait times.
But the complaints about the haunt itself seem pretty muted in those.
And just a thought. Yeah.
And, you know, the next one's basically the same of that.
Yeah. But that person decided to take 10 people with them and then complained that their group was overcrowded.

Complaining About Overcrowding

[54:31] All right. And we'll just do the last two for this one because that one was a long one.
Yeah. There was more than one time that a worker was rude to me last night.
They kept having smart mouths with me and kept screaming at me and my boyfriend.
Scary haunted house, but rude employees and not worth the money to be having disrespectful employees.
Excuse me, kind person who wrote this review. I have a question.
The gallery has a question. um were the quote-unquote rude employees haunt actors trying to interact with you yeah exactly if so that's their fucking job yeah it's like going to dick's last resort when everyone here is a fucking asshole to me yeah no shit jesus christ do not do the redacted pass ass.
We spent hundreds last year to go in a group only to have our boss targeted and they forgot about us.
Only one actor said her name. No refund either. Other than that, it's a good house.

[55:42] And now I remember which haunt this is because I remember that review and what I had to redact. Now I remember the ones we just did. Yeah.
Yeah, it's an excellent haunt. I'm just going to say it now.
But this one, it was like, other than that, it's a good house.

Trap House at the End

[56:02] One star review but other than that it's a good house yeah all right so now we're doing our one star review real fast that's what we're ending on i'll do you want to read it or you want me to read it uh whichever um i'm just going to take it verbatim yep trap house at the end of a cutoff, Yes, with swirly eyed face. Yeah, and the thing is...
Nothing in that review describes us. No, we're not on the cutoff.
No, we're not at the end of anything. No.
And then very much in the middle of the court. Yeah. So it's not like, you know, we're at the end of a road to Super Desolate. I want to know where the fuck they went.
I don't know. I have a guess, but I'm not going to say it here because we're not naming names.
Yeah. But yeah, that's definitely not us.
That is not us. Because, like, it sounds almost like they went to the end of, like, English Turn or some shit.
Yeah, or somewhere. Yeah, there is another haunt in the area this could potentially describe. But even that is kind of a very weak descriptor of this haunt. Yeah. Yeah.

[57:28] And also, my boyfriend PTSD was triggered. You took someone with PTSD to a haunted house?
Yeah, or were they triggered by going to the end of a cutoff?
And thinking they're going to get robbed.
Maybe they had PTSD from being robbed.
Yeah, actually, they didn't take him to a haunted house, quite obviously. Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I don't know. I really genuinely think that this person either got bad directions and went somewhere very different nearby, which there are places that this does describe in the area, but nowhere near our exact house, or they went to another house.
So once again, if I stretch my brain, this describes.
Yeah. But that is a major stretch in my brain. Yeah. And I mean, we're the only ones on this side of the river. Yeah.
Yeah, we're West Bank. Yeah. That's in New Orleans area. Yeah. New Orleans proper.
Yeah. And New Orleans Metro. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I have no idea.
I have no idea where the fuck they went. And I hope they got the help they so desperately needed. Yeah.
All right. On that note, everyone, thank you very much for joining us for this.
Hopefully there was some laughs and some educational stuff taking place here.
Please do check out other episodes of Haunt Weekly. We're at hauntweekly.com, Haunt Weekly on Twitter, Haunt Weekly on Facebook, and youtube.com slash hauntweekly.
Until next time, though, I'm Jonathan. I'm Crystal.

[58:54] And we will see you all next week. Maybe we'll do nice reviews or something.
I don't know. It could be fun. See you all then.